Holding high a cancer drug prescription and shouting “I told you so” to his previously skeptical but now visibly distraught family, stage four leukemia sufferer Greg Phillips had his WebMD self diagnosis of cancer confirmed by medical officials this morning much to the relief of Greg, who couldn’t face another health diagnosis faux pas in front of the family.
“I told you I was sick but nope, you wouldn’t believe me. You never believeb me.” Greg proudly stated to his tearful twin 16 year old daughters for whom the reality of soon losing their father was only just starting to sink in.
“But look now, look, Inoperable it says” continued Greg, gleefully turning his tirade of self congratulation onto his distressed future widow who Greg smugly pointed out had previously told him “you’re not dying, stop being a drama queen. This is just like the weird rash, it’ll clear up”
“But guess what’s not clearing up now huh? My cancer, that’s for sure.” Greg added, high fiving himself.
“I can’t wait to tell my boss that I won’t be coming on Monday” pausing briefly then adding “ever again hahaha”.
“Someone get the Cava from the fridge, I’m feeling great”